So I updated my iPhone (US original model) to the just-released iPhone OS 2.0. Now, just like hundreds of billions of other people around the world, I can only call 911. Pretty fucking lame.
(Clarification: No, this phone has never been hacked or jailbroken. Apple's servers just (predictably) shit all over themselves when faced with the load of the over-hyped and under-engineered launch.)
